Being me is questionable.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

In the past few weeks ago, I'm trying to look some topics for me to share on this blog. Some new and fresh. But it's not easy for the ideas to come. Because I need some inspiration or any thoughts that can give me a chance to elaborate it. Indeed, it is so hard for my brain to work out entirely, especially during these pandemics. I am so tired and need fresh air, but I can't. I just cannot. 

I wonder where I get the encouragement to write something in this blog, even though I know there is no one who will read or open my threads in this blog. Because I am nobody. Neither speaker nor influencer. I am just a simple girl with a wild mind and mysterious personality. I should just keep it to myself. Well, just in case. Or I will just write something thoughtlessly or whenever I feel like I need to say/share, but not in a public way hence it is more in way of private.

I usually don't like to share random thoughts that would not give any benefit to others or even to myself. Like I was said, I need something that would make me more creative in my imagination. Something that is far far away from reality. Thinking outside of the box? I'm not so sure. Sometimes, we need a fairytale to make our world become alive on the other way. As we live in our own creation world. We create, add up or might remove the part or the scenes where we simply don't want it to be in the world, your imagination world. The world means your imagination, of course.

The world I create by using my power of imagination is totally a lie. It is not even the real one. I choose the things which must be there. I am seasoning it very well so that it can be wonderful and fantastic life. The life that I can be anything and do anything that I want, without any hesitation and worries. However, I can't split myself into two pieces, where one is in a reality world while the other part stays in the world of lies. Wonder makes me feel so immersed into deep thoughts of imagination, sometimes I can relate some other things with my real life, my real world. But for sure, it can be a dream also. Dream of a dream. I learnt a life can be my drastic changes and it also can kill me if I'm not prepared. I don't have much experience in life, since I am still young in this world. However, everything can be changed, and anything can also happen. Neither I nor you know it.

Well, something about life is so mysterious. Even I cannot extinguish it. This is so unbearable for someone that simply thinks the universe can be conquered. I swear, i might be different from the outside. Being me is questionable. Being me is unpredictable and being me is not simple. Because people are made to be as an experiment to each other. Being tested and being killed. This is how people lead their life. Mysterious and unpredictable. Including me, myself. We show them how exactly they want to see. We tell lies, and our eyes are also slowly being cheated. Every morning, every night, every second of life. Nobody knows. Because life is too complicated for the people who never appreciate it. For the people who taken it for granted.

This is life. No happiness if you are not happy. People are the meanest creatures. I think.

No worries, I am all right! Sometimes, it is okay to be not okay. Not all is the meanest. Your heart should know. Listen to your heart if your mind is getting worse day by day. They are listening. Keep listening always.

#hiddensmile